Happy Holidays

Advice Corner

Advice for us, not from us.

Niki's dad shares some fatherly wisdom about our act.

• Nicole needs to be dumber, and possibly have an accent.
• Obviously we are steamy, but where is the bohemian? I don't see bohemian.
• Stop looking so similar.

Our Christmas List

Things we don't want for Christmas:

• A fucking ham
• Someone having a baby in our garage
• Jelly of the Month
• Comments about our weight
• Comments about our drinking "problem"
• Anyone to tell Nanny how much pot we smoke, because she'll put Niki in rehablike the beginning scene in Girl, Interrupted.
  "There's a taxi parked outside..."
  "Wait, I'm not going home with you???"

Weenie Patrol

Sometimes men come up to us and offer advice or to pay us for sex. We feel it's important to document these experiences.

Weenie: I consider myself a person who knows who's going to make it and who isn't. You girls are great, but you need to change your look.

Steamies: What should we do?

Weenie: I don't know.

Steamies: Do you think we should dress differently?

Weenie: I don't know.

Steamies: Do you have anything of value to offer us or the world itself?

Weenie: (shrug)

Awesome advice. Thanks to Dan the weenie for this special interaction!

Steamy run-ins with the law!

Last night, after Lainey and Niki finished smoking some tea outside the Hong Kong, they stepped in to the foyer so Niki could apply some visine. Before the first drop was cast, two coppers rushed in, and brushed right past the doobie stinking duo.Narrowly avoiding arrest since 1997!

Steamy quotes from last night's show

"You're like the twin I didn't eat." - Niki, to Robby Roadsteamer

"I wish you were a real ponytail." - Me, to my fake ponytail.

"Hey, the audience is here!" - at the bar after the show.

"You quit!" - Instead of "you're fired." Perhaps a poor impression of Donald Trump.

Steamy name-dropping, gossip of the week

Few people know that Niki and Robby Roadsteamer used to be a hot AOL hometown item!After a night of telephone bliss in 1997, they met at a Subway (deli, not transportation) to everyone's misery.

Recipe for steamy weedy eaties

Don't limit Cannabis Cooking to Brownies!
Try a teaspoonful of herb cooked with some olive oil and tossed with mac and cheese.You never have to stop eating!Abbondanza! I'm baked!

Niki: I want a bowl shaped like a turtle, so if anyone sees me I can be all;"Hey, I'm just kissing this turtle!"